Kollywood Megastars in Hollywood

A. Sylvester Stallone - Vijaykanth aka "Vijaykallone"

1. "Rambo" will be renamed as "Dumbo" and will feature the song "mutham thara yetha idam..?". Vijaykanth will be made to fight in the jungles bare handed with a beautiful heroine like Roja/Ranjitha held as captive by taliban. He will assault and catch Bin-Laden in this movie single handedly. He will be taken to court for killing OSAMA where he will freed by Indian court.

2. "Rocky" will become "Kalluli Mangan" & will have Goundamani as the trainer. The storyline revolves around a policeofficer who becomes a boxer who becomes a hitman like robinhood. The punch of this movie will be vijaykanth's knockout punch without touching the opponent in the boxing ring. Movie will get oscar for stunts. Captain will then compete for US president election.

B. Keanu Reaves - Simbu aka "Kena reaves"

1. "Matrix" will be "Parakum Kalai" and will still have dialogues against Dhanush and Aishwayra. There will be a special role for "T.Rajendar" to act as "Dhaadi (bearded) Morpheus" who will dance for one kuthu song.

2. "Little Buddha" will be named "Kettavan" with Nayanthara doing a sexy dance number. Buddha will be tempted by Aishwarya & Nayanthara and he will resist and become a "Buddha". Climax will feature Simbu taking revenge of both the damsels. One of the damsel will runaway with Simbu's enemy and Simbu will get a Sombu.

C. Mel Gibson - Rajini Kanth aka "Sivagibson"

1. "Passion of the Christ" will be "Pasam of Raghavendra". The film will be directed by Shankar and will involve special effects involving flying cars, style getups and very young heroines who will be one third his age. Music is of course ARR. Movie's message is how Rajini is a saint.

2. "Signs" will be "Signomukhi". Rajini will add his supernatural style and power to defeat the ghosts of the signomukhi. Movie will have signatures dialogues , "LakaLakaLakaa" and "Enna Kodumai Idhu Saravanan Sir". Prabhu will as usual be the allakai for Rajini.

D. Tom Hanks - Kamalhassan aka "Tom HanKissssss"

1. "Cast Away" will be combined with "Dasavatharam". Kamal will act in 10 roles as a survivor in an island. There will be no other cast members except Vadivel. Instead of "Wilson", the famed foot ball, Kamal will have Vadivel. To up the tempo, Kamal will kiss vadivel in this movie. (Paavam vadivelu !!!)

2. "The Davinci Code" will be remade with "Virumandi". Kamal will be a rogue villager who goes on a quest to find the DaVinci code on his TVS-50 , all over the world. Kamal has vowed not to kiss anyone in this movie. (side effect of kissing vadivelu !!!)

E. Leonardo Di Caprio-Ramarajan aka "Leonardo di ramarajio"

1. "Titanic" will be dubbed as "Enga Ooru Kapalkaaran". Our superhero will try to stop the titanic from crashing on the iceberg by singing a song "Pechi..pechi nee perumai ulla pechi. Vaadi Vaadi ennudaya pechi". Titanic will slowly move away and climax will be a happy hero with lipstick.

2. "Catch Me If You Can" will be made as "Catch my karagam if u can". Heroine will be Kanaga and story will be about his karagam falling down and Kanaga trying to catch it. Santhabarathi will make attempts to get the karagam from his head and our hero will fight to save this.

Peace

Blogapiranthaval

Kushboo - The next suicide bomber

I was a loyal fan of Kushboo since my childhood days. Kushboo for one was an actress who had a lot of talent. In recent months, my thoughts on Kushboo has changed dramatically. Nowadays I see Kushboo as a trouble maker and a cheap malignant controversy creator.

Iam being forced myself to write this column when I saw her arrogant posture in front of a tamil deity statue. She may not be a hindu and she may not believe in any form of worship, but she should atleast respect the belief system of the same people who built her a temple. Let us step back and think for a second. Would president (ex) Abdul Kalam, who is a muslim , have sat with the same arrogance. Would Prime Minister Manmohan Singh have done the same thing. What gives her the audacity to do such a thing ? Is she superior to them ? I believe she wants to generate controversies and be in the limelight.

1. She questioned the concept of virginity of tamil girls and pre-marital sex. Kushboo should not think all the tamil females in the same stature as her.

2. She fought with Thankar Bachaan for some lame reasons. If she had differences with him, why would she act in Maniyammai role in Periyar under his direction. Something for the minds to ponder.

3. Yesterday, she had a fiasco with Thirumavalavan. Even as a courtesy, she would not greet him when he appeared on the dias of a book release festival. So much for respect and dignity. Instead she started arguing with the audience in a public function.

Is this all a setup drama ? Is this all a way to cheap popularity ? No one knows. One thing I know is she is losing her fan base. Only time will tell. If she wants cheap publicity, I thought of suggesting a few tips to her.

1. She can air her romantic episodes with Prabhu as a mega serial "Karpukarasi".

2. She can goto a mosque with her slippers and create an unpopularity contest. Strange fact is Muslims goto Mekka trip without slippers. "Ungaluke theriyaama Suicide Bomber aakiruvaanga !!"

3. She can goto the homes of the heroines of his husband , Sundar C, and pick up "Sakalathi Sandai". May be air that a live show in Jaya TV.

4. Her blouses are a major hit in Jaya TV. May be she should appear on television in Mudhal Mariyadhai Style. This will be the ultimate controversy.

5. Pick fight with Producers, instead of directors. "Sothuku vali illaama ayirumlaa !!!!"

6. Take On, VIPs. Start a fight with Kalaignar, Jayalalitha & Ramadoss. "Nitham Nitham Serupadi and Nei Manakum Seeva Kattai !!!"

7. Publically air ,after Midnight Masala, the so called Blue film she had shot during her initial years. "Nila Kaayuthu, kushboo varum neram"

Akka kushboo, you need to realise, you cannot become a heroine again. "Ungaluku mela aduna Benazir Bhutto ve puttukitaanga so konjam adaki vasinga..illena ooru naarirum !!!"

Peace

Blogapiranthaval

Bus Conductor Benazir !!!

If you are a regular visitor of my blogs, you would have realised by now that Iam not a fan of Benazir Bhutto. Neither did i rejoice nor was I sad at her demise. Iam blogging this edition to my thoughts on BiBi's death.

In order for you to know BiBi, you have to know more about her family and Pakistan Politics. Her father Zulfikar ali Bhutto was a zamindar's son. He was a lawyer educated in UK. He came back to Pakistan and was made a minister by Ayub Khan who had militarily seized power. Zulfikar Ali Bhutto backstabbed Ayub Khan to become the president. Zulfikar Ali Bhutto appoints his trust worthy general Zia-ul-haq as the chief of army ahead of 5 senior generals. Zia-ul-haq then back stabs Bhutto's father to become president. After 10 years Zia-ul-Haq was killed by his own generals in a plane crash. Backstabbing !!! Benazir comes to power and aides Taliban. The same Taliban she helped, kills her now. Re-make of the backstabbing episode!!!

So Bibi, who emanates from the fully-rotten-scumbag-backstabbing-politics of Pakistan succumbed to it in the end.

Power-Hungry Bhutto:

Her vision was PAK , which meant

P-Punjab A-Afghanisthan K-Kashmir - an extended version of PAKISTAN.

This was a dream inherited from her father. This was the propanganda her father used to take power from Ayub. To the extreme, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto envisioned a Pakistan with Junagadh. Junagadh is now called "Gujarat" in India and is in the safe hands of Narendra Modi. With this extended vision of PAK Bibi helped Taliban and used them to control Afghanisthan. More recently, she took an anti-Taliban stance. This is what lead to her assassination. Why did she flip-flop ? POWER HUNGRY !!!

Money Hungry Bhutto:

Benazir is not an angel !!! She just like her father was corrupt to the core. Her husband was called "Mr. 10 Percent". Following is the list of corruptions that are well documented.

1. Dassault, a French aircraft manufacturer, got a contract to replace the air force's fighter jets in exchange for a 5% commission

2. Dubai company received an exclusive license to import gold into Pakistan for which her husband received payments of more than $10 million into his Dubai-based Citibank accounts

3. Their Swiss bank accounts contain £740 million. They own a neo-Tudor mansion and estate worth over £4 million in Surrey , $2.5 million manor in Normandy.

4. Bhutto received a 7.15% commission ,about $1.969 million for supplying 5,900 Ursus tractors.

Why did she not divorce Zardari, MONEY HUNGRY !!!

So the image of her being the saviour of Pakistan is totally false. Her intent was ONLY power and ONLY money. Pakistan's Poolan Devi was their own ex-PM.

Her personal pedigree:

Her lifestyle showed sharp contrasts. The Bhutto in public life was was projected as burkha wearing devout muslim. Her attire in private life (i mean in her social circles) would earn the envy of Paris Hilton. How often do you see Hillary Clinton (or) Sonia Gandhi in short skirts and swimsuits.

Her fundamendal beliefs were different from that of most Pakistani women. So you can never say she was a true Pakistani. How often do you see leaders be in self-imposed exile when they love their land so much.

My hearts are with the people of Pakistan, who were fooled so much and my hearts are with her kids who would have longed for her motherly love. I admire one quality in her ... she was so power hungry that she put her life at stake.It takes a lot of courage and she has it in her. Ultimately She reaped what she sowed.

So Benazir Akka, local tamilla sollanumnaa.

1. Nee utta bus, unmela ye yeriruchu !!!

2. Unaku Neeye Conductor , ticket kodukura vishayathula !!!

3. Nee ooruku mukkaadu pota, unaku ipo taliban mukaadu potiruchu !!!

Kallu uttu erinju pakalaam, vandhaa maangaa yoda varatum..illena atleast kalla aachu varatumnu ninachitu kalla thooki pota !!! Paavam andha kallu un thala melaye vilugumnu yaaru kandaa ?

At this juncture , every Indian feels proud to be an Indian. In the corner of their heart, they feel sorry and remind themselves that none of their prime-ministers were so deceitful.

Mera Bharat Mahaan !!!

Peace

Blogapiranthaval

VAAYU, PULITHA YEPPAM, NENJU ERICHAL - Conspiracy behind chennai gas leak

I came across a news that Chennai was outrageously smelly last two days. My investigations* found the top ten reasons why this happened , now !!!

10. Who Opened the Scent Factory ?

As comedy actor Vivek says , "chentu factory ya thoranthutaanya !!!"

Some one has opened scent factory

09. To prevent Tsunami lifeloss ???

Madras is being hit with Tsunami occasionally. Release of a bad gas might prevent people from coming out and walking on the beach

08. How much smell is bad smell ???

Government is conducting a study to find the tolerance level of bad smell.

This study will show that Chennai wala's have the best smell tolerance in the entire world.

07. Weapons of mass destruction test - gone bad ?

This is a classic example of WMD testing going bad. Another reason why Asian countries should never use chemical weapons.

06. Classic protest to prevent Sundal import ???

It is rumored that imported sundal (chick peas) smells horrible. Adutha veetu maligaikum manam undu nu theriyum ..aaanaa..sundal ku...ipdi oru manam irukumnu thereelaye ?

05. Vijaykanth - Arasiyal !!!!
He always said Arasiyal was a Garbage Dump and he will jump into it to clean.
Anna ..vendaaangannaa - uturungo !!!!

04. Koovam - Cleaning - Kilambitaangayyaaa !!!!

Did Saibaba begin his koovam cleaning project already ? Thanga mudiyala, nirutha sollunga !!!

03. Governments Protest to Babri Masjid Demolition !!!

Conspiracy websites say, this happened two days before Dec 6th

Officially Indian govt cannot regret this.So one other way of making ppeople regret of this bad day. Or may be to prevent people thinking about this demolition at all.

02. The day after tomorrow simulation
May be someone wanted to try "A day after tomorrow" movie simulation with gas instead of water.... !!! Low budget movie. No graphics needed as it is all gas !!!

01. VAAYU, PULITHA YEPPAM, NENJU-KAN ERICHAL ???
It is rumored that Palani Kalimuthu sithar** (famous for chittu kuruvi legiyam) wanted people to try his new product and therefore released the bad gas. I hear his new chitukuruvi legiyam is selling twice as much.

Peace (with my nose closed !!!)

Blogapiranthaval

p.s:

*The interesting fact is that this gas leak happened on Dec 4th and Dec 5th, 2007.

The Bhopal tragedy happened Dec 3rd, 1984. Very Strange and all the more reason to check the conspiracy theories mentioned above.

**You can see his arumai-perumai in inside back cover of kalkandu, muthaaram , kungumam and Bhaygya

Serupadi Sindubad

I was trying to make a list of people who will be in my "serupadi" (slapping with chappal) list. I will confer the title "serupadi sindubad" to the top candidate. This list is in ascending order.


8. "Show Off Desi Girls" who want to emulate Paris Hilton , the likes the university of kentucky girl who I met recently. Grow up kiddo , you can never make a sex tape like her !!!

7. The guy who took the TOMTOM GPS ($300 ones sold for $130) on black friday. Dude , show some manners !!!

6. Osama Bin Laden - All we need is one bullet to take him out. May be we should ask captain Vijaykanth to get involved !!!

5. CPI leaders like Prakash Karath - who is fighting against PM Manmohan singh on the nuclear deal. Stop getting money from China !!!

4. Hillary Clinton - She pisses me off with her fake smile. Behind every cheating president there is a fake senator wife.

3. Benazir Bhutto - She is the number #1 prostitute in the whole world. Sleeping with Musharaff - No problem , With Shariff - No problem , With Bush - No Problem and above all, even sleeping with Sonia - No Problem. What a bitch !!!

2. Deve Gowda - Sottai thatha is a total shakuni when it comes to politics. He is the male gigolo of politics in Karnataka. Either he is so good or Kannadigas are so stupid !!!

1. Mahindra Rajapakse - For killing tamils ruthlessly. You will die some day dude !!!.Pathini saabam palikum. vayiru erinchu solren !!!!!! "PINJA SERUPADI SINDUBAD"


Peace to all except the above


Blogapiranthaval

XXX - ADULTS OF YYY LAND

Last week , I was dubbed a racist by a reader. Snubbed as a loser by another. Here I come with more firepower. If people think Iam a racist because of this article, so be it !!!

XXX represents a group of people talking YYY language,
YYY may be any Indian language except Gujarati.

After all my impression of XXX was that of "radiant pink shirt wearing heroes", "chilly spicy food" in mouth-watering red color and the totally absurd masala movies. I like to watch XXX for its non-realistic-stunt-comedy. They are more funnier than Stunts of Vijaykanth and Makeups of Ramarajan. After all XXX heroes are the only breed (other than keaunu reeves in matrix) who have the power stop a train, shoot aircraft with their revolvers and perform High flying stunts with agricultural - tractors.

After coming to the US I have met a few weird XXX, who are very much stranger than fiction. This blog will get a lot of heat and all I say is "Bring it on."

1. Biggest Kanjoos of all-time:
They are the "hybrid of kanjoosiness". Give them a free coffee , they will walk for six miles. When they come to US, they usually leave their spouse and kid in India, and live alone for the last one million years. Typically, they have not gone back to India since their arrival and have no intention to bring their spouse here. Then how did they get manage the kid ? He was married a few days before he came here. So you work out the math !!!

2. Iam a fashion model-XXX:
I often come across a few girls in CT Indian Association. You will be forced to believe that they are directly from the gene-pool of Aishwarya Rai or even worse, Jennifer Lopez. You can identify them by their fake designer Glasses (Prada and Louis Vatton). They are from road side stores back in India. Even if it is original you can put your money on it being begged or borrowed or stolen from their White friends. If you talk to these folks, either you will laugh or you will run. Get a life girls !!!

3. Iam proud of XXX culture:
These people are the ones who you see fight about their YYY spirit in other regional meetings. The sad thing is all the other region members if he is Al-Gore. In my childhood days I have seen street cleaners and sewer cleaners speaking in YYY (same style). So the next time someone standsup, Iam going to bring him a broomstick and a bucket and you know why !!!!

4. Shame-less Samraats of YYY land:
They have absolutely no-shame. Even if you ask them directly, if they have any shame ?, they will use that as an oppurtunity to ask you for a favor in return. They call only when they need you. They think you have a sticker on your head which says "USE ME WHEN YOU NEED". They will go to any extent to please you and make you feel happy, when they need you. Once they are done, you will be a sewage rat. So much for their pride of YYY Land !!!

Pal, if you happen to be a XXX and if you think you resemble one of the above four, in this country you are not a Gujarati, Kashmiri, Bengali, Telugu or Hindi. You are an Indian, a Desi. Every one of us came on the same. Here you are seen as an Indian and not XXX from the kingdom that was forced to join India by Sardar Patel. See the Gujaratis and learn. Every Gujju has the habit of seeing your desi-ness and not the state you are from. Learn the Desiness. Money , pride and fame will follow you.

YYY land after all is in India !!!


Blogapiranthaval

kevala karnataka politics - Amaidhipadai Part 2

This is my first attempt at VLOG. Thanks to Mr. H , ennoda karpanai kudhirai minnalaai paraka help panninaar. I got the idea from NDTV which kept flashing info about Karnataka. This is my attempt to criticise whats happening there.

Peace

Blogapiranthaval