Thursday, November 15, 2007

Aluku Outsourcing - the story of HL visas

After a strong dose of emotional reality blogging ,2 of my critics blasted me. They were reading my posting to lighten them up. "Romba Message Monalisa va illaama, konjam padikira maari eludhu." This was the advice I got. Well , I have to make it lighter , to tailor to my overseas crowd. This one is more on the lighter side. Apdi eluthulenaa, padikira 3 perla , 2 peru discontinue aayiruvanga. appuram naane eludhi ..naane padichu !!! idhai vida kevalam onnum illai...!!!

I was driving home after groceries and decided to hear NPR (National Public Radio). This is one of the popular FM radio station here.

Suriyan FM, Mirchi FM laam inge varaadhu.. Podhumaaa !!!!
Inimel FM radio nu varthai yen vaaila irunthu vantha rendu seevakataila rendu vangikaren...!!! podhumaa ????

Coming to the point, there was an interesting segment about outsourcing. In Washington DC, Carpenters Union was fighting against a large corporation. They organised picketting (Dharna) before their company head quarters. One of the journalist found that the protesting people were not real carpenters but HOMELESS PEOPLE. The carpenters had hired help so that they dont have to stand in cold and protest. After all the carpenters were being paid $24 per hour and the homeless were being paid 8 dollars per hour.
Economics la puli thaan ponga !!!

So decided to explore such an innovative trend, little bit more Desi Style.

What if,
a. All the picketting and strikes are left to "Homeless People". There will be no loss of productivity and above all home-less make an extra buck too.
b. Obviously, at some point there will be a shortage of homeless people to do protests. What should we do ???

This is where, my (loosu) imagination started going really (loosu) wild.

Purushanuku yenna samaikanum nu yosikaama, ipdi thaan loosu maari yosipen. Athuku ipo yenna ?????

The best answer , would be to bring immigrants for this job. Both legal and illegal immigrants. My acquaintance with illegal immigrants is too little to comment . After all , I thought of them as Sergei Bubka's cousins. They were more pole vault sportsmen (jumping over the border and crossing to US), than IIT grads. So I decided to think more local, legal immigrants.

The first thing that came to my mind was , Desi-consulting companies. The desi-consultants will start hiring homeless-beggars from India. Will they use the same H1 quota ? HELL NO !!! We cannot/wont let that happen.
So,the US government would then be forced to issue a new visa type called "HL" visas . I could not name it H visas , due to my emotional attachment, I shared with my H4.

Back home, all the engineering colleges will start a new course. B.Tech (homeless engineering). If you cannot goto B.E or B.Tech, you will have a masters alternative. It will be called M.H.A. You guessed it Master of homeless application.

Definitely there will be a mad rush of students to this new group because of the imminent placement oppurtunities, that too mostly outside of India. The self financing instituions will now advertise in Hindu "Our homeless engineering students are 100% placed". Yenna velai...pichai karan velai !!!!

Then there will be the special institutes like APTECH and SSI which will start new courses for homeless studies. These will mostly be occupied by people who want to change their career. Every evening in Annanagar , 2nd avenue and Vadapalani , you will see practical sessions which will bring "morning hard working people" to the streets with empty "Dunkin Donuts" coffee cups.

Campus interviews for such positions, shall be held roadside. Self-financing colleges (not the poor A.P.C.M.K.R.Z colleges of engg), the rich ones, will build a special guest house and parking lot to simulate better homeless conditions during campus interview. They will advertise and showoff their latest thiruvodu aka dunkin cups. Iam pretty sure that Infosys, Wipro and CTS will recruit more homeless than anyone. After all bench strength matters !!! Should I call it bench strength or should i say "unused thiruvodu" strength.

Think about the indian beggars, who are now in the streets. There will be a tremendous demand for them. They will be the most sought after ones. Experience kanna Experience !!! From then on, we will all pay some serious attention to the homeless in front of temples. Afterall, they shall remind us , one of our distant cousin, will make more money than us, by being in a top position in a HOMELESS RECRUITING FIRM.

I can say one thing for sure. Culture shall not change. Beggars definitely wont decide to dress up in "Allen-Solly" and "Peri-Alley" shirts. My prediction is that there will be a mad rush for "LEVIs" and "LEE" Jeans, after all, even now, their torn jeans make the richest of richest , a lot of homeless.

When you have to apply for a HL visa, you need to have some serious experience. As usual, the Desis will fake it very good. There shall be pictures of them begging in entrance of every temple. There will be professional photographers to do this job. Also , You need to show that you have negative bank balance and some serious homeless engineering skill set. You need to prove to the embassy that you have some fixed roots in India, by which I mean, a permanent fixed spot in front of a temple.

Jet airways and Air India will for sure increase the number of flights from CHENNAI, MUMBAI AND DELHI. "Homeless web special fares" will be available thro internet. The only difference is that, these flights will stop in Chennai-Colombo-Dhaka-Karachi-Kabul-Tehran-Baghdad-Ankara-Somalia-Ethiopia-Tanzania-Cameroon-Johanessburg-Rio De Janeiro-Buenos Aires-Mexico City and then finally to Newyork (not JFK, but Laguardia). The reason some of the countries,instead of cities are listed because they donot have airports and most likely we will be landing in an airstrip somewhere, to pickup wanna-be homeless. The flight journey will be only 57 hours and with 28 connections.

Once they arrive, the consultants will place these desi-homeless where the real US based homeless are needed at a relatively fraction of cost. The good thing is that our "HL" consultants donot have to be provided hotel & food allowance. They, in-order to be true to their profession, shall live on the streets.

This will be a total win-win for India. We can export all the homeless beggars to foreign countries and they will bring more international currency, sorry internation coins, into the indian market. Indian Foreign investment will multiply by atleast 100 times. Share market will go to 100000 points in 2 years.

As usual , Lou Dobbs on CNN will angrily carry a segment, "OVERTAKING BY THE INDIAN THIRUVODU". He will be very articulate and say "how the true homeless have been betrayed. They have been made to find real jobs and now they are not homeless. Shame on Corporate America, how dare you make the homeless, not homeless. "

The downside is dollar value will goto 27 rupees. So the brain drain will start reversing. All the IIT peoples, bandha paramasivam will start going back to India. Lufthansa , British Airways will declare bankruptcy. There will be no Raapichai in India. "Amma thaaye" will be replaced by "Pichai karanga vandhirukaar. Inaiku nallaa soru podanum. Veli naatula roti yum, bread thinnu paavam, naaku sethu poirukum. Nalla palaya saadham podanum"

In 2012 election campaign, Hillary Clinton will talk about adding homeless-income tax to fund the war on Iran. She will be talking about limiting the number of homeless immigrant per country, but wont do it. Every year the HL visa will be over the first couple days. There will talks of no caps of HL visa. But it wont happen. Hillary would face staunch opposition from racist rednecks about their jobs being taken over. But still Hillary will win !!!

In all this will be one experience which will make everyone cringe in this country and will make everyone happy back home. Here comes the punch, as i winding down this blog, Mr H comes back from office, singing an old song, "Anne Anne Sippai Anne, Namma ooru nalla ooru ipo romba ketu pochune". What a coincidence !!!

Ironically, I named the visa "HL". But in reality H visas and L Visas are the most popular ones. Afterall H and L visa holder are close to being homeless. I think of it like that because I remember my dead uncle K saying "uravai vitru kaasu vanga poraanga..." when we went to get his blessing before we came here.

How true !!! Home is where the heart is....!!! In that context every desi is homeless !!!



Mr. H and me are not homeless because now we have green card ;-)


gomathy said...

Economics mattum puli illa - Ella M M leyum puli yyata irruke neenga!!
Mean Management & Mathematics (Prev topic ah satyamma sollala Blogie :)
Suma sollakudathu karpanaila kooda oru zing oda - Semaya workout pannirkeenga!!
Institutions PG course step varikum visualize pani kilapitinga.But u know something they
will also sethu planufy more capitation fee (instant velai - hyped sambalam)
- summa uttruvangla....

Oru visayam blogie- ennada sodhanaya irruke nu pulambi mudichurama -
anga anga sadhanaya pathiyum koncham bit potringa -(Bubka ippo thaan yarnu therichutean)....Brand names kku - match Color vera - touchitinga!! Podhuva appuram ??

Podhuvaaa Solren said...

yenaku ipdi oru fan'a, paathunga kaasu vangeeteenganu solla poraanga

Anonymous said...

kanavu kanungal nu oruthar sollita emmovvvvvvvvvv ipdiya...


comedy story is nice...with economic,political,educational punchhhhhhhhhh

Podhuvaaa Solren said...

yeah yeah...ipdi punch aa solli thaan namala punch panraanga viewers..enna seiya